On Privacy
Intimate relationships are built on trust and are much more like the combination of souls, the expression of affection, and the rudiments of mutual respect. The interpersonal and emotional bonds we share in those moments mean the most to us and make us vulnerable to our partner. We value the moments shared with our significant other and some of us, no matter what it takes, are willing to go to any extent to prove that what we share is genuine, and unadulterated enough to put anything and everything online to protect and keep it — sharing passwords included. This usher in my trepidation. But before anything, few disclaimers. I’m not in a relationship. Have I shared social media password with someone? No, ultimately. What then is my contention? I come across as a friend to soulmates who share personal and confidential information, and it bothers me that someone else reads my messages other than the person it’s sent to. And I’m sure it’s the case with most of us. The issue of sharing passwords in relationships is a big thing, especially among millennials — and most of us are brash about it as a validation of commitment, sincerity, honesty.
A study by Kaspersky Lab reveals that 70% of people in relationships share pins, passwords, or exchange fingerprints on devices. The statistics, as it stands, is such a giant size number to think about. I know this because in high school the number 70 was a stupendous passing grade to me at least. Most of us believe it’s angelic to share our passwords with our partners to invigorate transparency. Really? Wait, I’ll come back to this in a second. But it’s not only lovers that brace this, Caleb Backe, a Health and Wellness Expert, believes that “there is a measure of transparency which may actually help the couple build trust and intimacy, and some of this also translates to the digital world.” Couples, and I’m using the word deliberately, cling onto this for the acceleration of their feelings and something that says “ you shouldn’t doubt me because you have access to my password” in times of quagmire maybe. The problem with this is not that one elects to question the personal life choices people make in their relationships and how they decide to go about it, but it’s a breach, a significant breach of the privacy of the friends they especially prattle with and those who share with them confidential information through private messages. And what’s awe-striking is how most people’s privacy and information are compromised at the expense of our trust process in romantic relationships and love fantasies.
And I think this is an integral part of privacy and confidentiality that no one is talking about. It was not until yesterday in a conversation with a friend that this dawned on me. I had never thought about it not more to consider it as a problem. The thing that intrigues most people and what they use as a raison d’être is that it creates trust and clears doubts about one’s significant other’s online activities. The crux of the matter is that when one shares a password with someone, the person logs in at any time and check messages and activities and too often than not, the other person never notices any signs of this. They never tell friends about their social password exchange. I would say, and this is coming from a genuine place, that when we share passwords, the least we can do for our friends is to let them know in advance, so they become careful with the information they’re not comfortable with sharing with our partners. This is too hard a thing to ask, but as much as we can be insane about love and trust, we can and should learn to be respectful about the mutual respect and the power of information that is shared with us by the friends who believe and confide in us.
But one thing that emerges at the end of this is that sharing passwords, as opposed to popular beliefs, isn’t about trust. It comes out of distrust and doubts about your partner’s online activities. Because you don’t trust them, you opt to get access to watch and monitor them like a CIA agent. The difference is that you’re not paid except to hurt your own emotions and personal feelings. Any love that would make you want to see everything a person does online is a misguided one. It exposes your insecurities and your doubts, both you and your lover.
Consequently, even love has a limit, and reaches its red button in moments we don’t expect. Reactions from both partners in those moments remain unpredictable, and people are willing to go to any length to ruckus about their anger even if it means saying or doing anything.
Most people might take this as an affront to their relationships, but the reality is: just because I trust you with my information doesn’t translate to trusting your significant other. And it is good to let people know that you’re not the only person reading their messages, and they have the choice whether or not they trust someone else with the things they share with you. In a world of backstabbing, gossip and screenshots, even if one is willing to be carefree with one’s account and privacy, one should at least be protective of the privacy of those who are vulnerable to you.
